Talking FACS
Host: Dr. Jennifer Hunter, Assistant Director for Family and Consumer Sciences Extension, University of Kentucky
Guest: Alex Elswick, Extension Associate for Family Resource Management
Episode 15
0:00 Welcome to Talking FACS; what you need to know about family, food, finance and fitness. Hosted by the University of Kentucky Family and Consumer Sciences Extension Program, our educators share research knowledge with individuals, families and communities to improve quality of life.
0:20 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: Hello and welcome to talking FACS. This is your host, Dr. Jennifer Hunter, Assistant Director for Family Consumer Sciences Extension at the University of Kentucky. Today, I'm pleased to have with me, Alex Ellsworth, an extension associate in the Department of Family Sciences.
And as we've discussed in previous episodes where Alex has joined us, that he wears many hats for us at UK. And one of those is that he's our subject matter expert for substance use recovery and substance use prevention as well. So, thank you Alex for joining us today.
0:51 ALEX ELSWICK: Thanks for having me again.
0:53 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: So we have recorded a couple podcasts over the last several weeks that focused on understanding substance use, understanding what is addiction and learning a little bit more about the recovery process.
But today, you have joined us to talk about just a family that it maybe that they have a loved one that is currently experiencing addiction, and some of what that family might be feeling and thinking, as well as ways that they may be able to help their loved one and try and maintain some family bonds as they walk through this process with their family member.
1:25 ALEX ELSWICK: Absolutely. It's a good introduction and I think it's a sensitive subject for a lot of people who may have a loved one who's addicted or who's in recovery.
But you may have heard the phrase that addiction is a family disease. And in that way, it sort of sets it apart as a disease; a little bit unique from some others, and it's because of the impact that a person's behavior in their addiction may have on their loved ones.
Addiction can do a lot of damage, can wreak havoc on the ties that hold families together. And so, I've kind of compiled some suggestions for family members–
1:59 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: And that’d be great.
2:00 ALEX ELSWICK: Who may have loved ones who are addicted. And the first place that I always start with family members is with family counseling. Often times, I get a little bit of pushback, because people will say to me, “Yes, but it's my brother, my uncle, my loved one who is addicted, who has the problem. I don't have a problem. Why should I be in counselling?”
I understand that logic completely, but as I said, addiction is a family disease and that person is inevitably impacted by their loved one's addiction. So, I encourage people to go to family counselling for a couple of reasons.
One, you mentioned, is to start to repair those relationships, to work through some of the resentments, and some of the pain that's been caused as a result of the addiction.
Two, it can be helpful to set boundaries. One of the buzz words that we hear in addiction treatment and recovery is about enabling. Often times, people who know very little about addiction will have heard “Don't enable”.
2:54 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: Right.
2:55 ALEX ELSWICK: But it's sort of complicated, because we're not sure what exactly we mean by enabling. Because at the same time that we don't want to enable, research also tells us that family support is really critical to helping people maintain recovery. It's sort of a complicated paradox and oftentimes, people need the help of a professional counselor to figure out where to draw the line between enabling and support.
3:17 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: So, a basic question when you talk about family counselling is that a person going as an individual to visit with a counsellor, is it the entire family unit, is it an individual plus maybe their family member that's suffering from addiction, who goes, and how do they go?
3:32 ALEX ELSWICK: It sort of depends on the counsellor and their philosophy of therapy, but most likely a counsellor will do an initial session with everybody and maybe do some individual sessions.
Most family counsellors who are sort of relationally oriented will want to get as many people in the therapy room as possible to try to effect change on the family system as a whole.
And so, this can be done in conjunction with the individual who has the addiction doing their own therapy separately, and doing family therapy, and also, and this is really where I start to get pushback from folks sometimes. I also recommend that family members go to their own therapist in addition to being in family therapy.
And that's simply because sometimes we become so hyper focused on trying to help the loved one who is addicted that we can start to neglect some of our basic needs. And sometimes those are emotional needs, sometimes they’re physical needs, like we're not eating as we should, we're not getting enough sleep, things like this.
And so, in order to be as supportive of a loved one as possible, sometimes people need to go get help of their own.
4:40 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: I think that that's a good point that we have to remember that you have to take care of yourself, so that you are well to also help take care of your loved one.
4:48 ALEX ELSWICK: Exactly.
4:49 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: I can imagine that possibly someone that is currently in active addiction that they may be reluctant to wanting to go to family therapy. Are there tips or suggestions or things that you could share with family members that might be able to encourage that individual to pursue family therapy?
5:09 ALEX ELSWICK: Sure. So, I'll mention two things in that regard. The first is a particular kind of therapy called CRAFT; which stands for Community Reinforcement And Family Training. And CRAFT is sort of a method that research shows is really effective at getting loved ones into treatment who may be sort of resistant.
So, for families who are interested, I would recommend looking up CRAFT and learning more about it. We won't spend any more time talking about it here.
But the other thing I would mention is certainly because addiction is a brain disease and because the brain has been hijacked, sometimes you'll have an addicted individual who's pushing back against family members who are trying to help.
And this is another place where family therapy can be helpful, if even the family is in therapy when the addicted individual isn't willing to go. Because what a counselor can help them to do is to start to set up boundaries.
It's sort of what we call Contingency Management, which essentially just means you're sort of drawing up a contract that says, “Unless you do these things, I'm not willing to provide you with financial support or with meals” or whatever it looks like. And it's a part of that process of starting to tease out the difference between supporting and enabling.
6:25 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: Okay. In thinking about a family that may be experiencing addiction, can you talk a little bit about stigma and the overcoming of the family stigma?
I know that if we look at the statistics around substance use, that really and truly, this is a disorder that cuts across all levels of lifestyles or types of lifestyles, levels of income, levels of education, etc., but there's still a tremendous amount of stigma that may prevent a family member for reaching out for help from themselves or help from their loved ones.
6:58 ALEX ELSWICK: So, research tells us that about 1 in 10 people will meet the clinical criteria for addiction at some point in their lives. So, it is pretty common, and the likelihood that someone close to you has an addiction is pretty high.
But because of the sort of negative stigma surrounding addiction, people don't talk about it and they don't reach out for help. And this is where stigma becomes critical. We talk a lot about stigma for the person who's addicted and how they may not want to tell people that they have a problem, because they're embarrassed, and as a result, they don't get the help they need.
But stigma applies to family in just the same way. Oftentimes, moms and dads, and brothers and sisters are embarrassed to tell anyone that they have a loved one who's addicted. And as a result, they don't reach out for help, they don't get the support they need, and they sort of have to suffer in silence.
And so, I also recommend that families reach out to support groups. There are support groups like Al Anon, and maybe just to anyone else they know who has a family member who's been addicted, because it's such a common experience and it can be really helpful to have a support of someone who knows what you're going through.
8:10 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: And this may be backing up a little bit in our conversation. But for a family that maybe they suspect that they have a child that may have a substance use issue or disorder or a spouse, are there specific signs that they can look for or symptoms that they should be aware of that may indicate to them that they have a family member suffering with addiction?
8:33 ALEX ELSWICK: Sure. This is where the internet would be a good resource to look up some basic signs and symptoms. But I'll focus on one that I think is particularly important.
When you see a loved one who, first of all, is neglecting responsibilities; that's a beginning sign, but also, no longer getting enjoyment out of things they used to get enjoyment from. It's a pretty common indication of some sort of problem, maybe addiction maybe another mental disorder, but if you have a kid who loves to play baseball for instance, and is starting to lose that passion, it may be an indication that something's wrong.
9:11 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: So, just withdrawing in any manner; if it's sports or even videogames; right?
9:15 ALEX ELSWICK: That’s right.
9:16 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: That if you had a child that just was really, really engaged in playing videogames and they seemed to just lose interest.
9:21 ALEX ELSWICK: Absolutely.
9:23 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: And then if you do you recognize these signs within a family member, I think that maybe sometimes families are paralyzed about knowing where to go for help or how to reach out for help. What are common places that someone could reach for help?
9:36 ALEX ELSWICK: So, I’ll refer one more time, if it's not clear that I'm biased enough in this regard, this is another advantage of going to therapy. Because therapists – it's not clear to the public at large why a family would be going to therapy or why an individual would be going to therapy.
So, it's in that way, it's sort of a destigmatized location. It's different from a person going to an addiction treatment center, where we all know why they're there. So, going to a therapist can be a helpful place to start.
10:05 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: I think that's a great point. There's many, many reasons that a family could be seeking therapy beyond addiction.
10:10 ALEX ELSWICK: Absolutely. And I'll tell you one fact that I see time and again in the research that's a protective factor to keep loved ones from having problems with substances and also something that seems to help when families have an addicted individual in their family, and that's having family dinners.
And I think sometimes when I share that with folks, they think it sounds a little hokey or a little cheesy, but there's actually some really strong evidence to suggest that taking the time to sit down and have family meals does a great service to family bonds, to family communication, and to keeping kids potentially away from drugs and alcohol.
10:48 DR. JENNIFER HUNTER: And I think family dinners are something that we promote a lot within Family Consumer Sciences Extension, because there are so many benefits or kiddos have opportunity or a time to communicate with mom and dad, make certain there's open lines of communication are there, to be able to observe changes in their behavior, etc. So, great tip there.
Alex, thank you so much for joining us and sharing with us over a podcast series. We hope that you'll continue to come back and continue this conversation, because I think it's so vital in our local communities right now.
11:22 ALEX ELSWICK: Great. I look forward to coming back in the future.
11:25 Thank you for listening to Talking FACS. We deliver programs focusing on nutrition, health, resource management, family development and civic engagement. If you enjoy today's podcast, have a question or a show topic idea, leave a ‘Like’ and comment on Facebook @UKFCSEXT. Visit us online at fcs.uky.edu or contact your local extension agent for Family and Consumer Sciences. We build strong families. It starts with us.
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